Did I do it, you ask? Did I ride the sled of death? I wish I had. The Demonator was in rare form on Monday. Kids went sledding down with glee, running into flagpoles, sidewalks, up driveways, you name it. I was dying for my turn, but that old sled had its own plan. The second to last run, I was waiting at the bottom of the hill to watch for cars and make sure no child got a concussion when the sled reached the bottom and they had to stop.
My daughter was in the front, her friend on the back. They were aiming for the driveway at the bottom of the hill, but veered off at the last minute, going right for the metal rain drain set in the curb. It's the number one most dangerous thing to hit. So I quickly put myself in between them and the drain and then sent up a frantic plea to the gods of snow that they'd slow down. The runners on that sled looked, well, kinda sharp.
No dice. The entire street and hill were one solid block of ice. The Deomonator kept coming. My kids know about the drain. The know not to hit it, and they went into evasive maneuvers. They threw down boots and gloved hands, trying to slow up. When that didn't work, they screamed their lungs out.
It was all up to me. I steeled myself for the inevitable impact. Then at the last minute, got one of those "I'm-going-to-die-under-these-runners" brainstorms and grabbed the cord on the front of the sled as they whizzed by. I pulled. Miraculously, it worked. They slowed down, turning sideways, and only grazed the drain. The Demonator was not pleased. It exacted its revenge swiftly and without mercy.. It pulled me down in one fell swoop.
Ice is hard.
I landed on my backside, and honestly, I think I broke my arse. Okay, I know that's not entirely possible. Still, I have got the single most unpleasant pain pulsing on the right side back there. And I've got a mega goose egg there too. I notice it each time I sit down on anything or roll over in bed.
It was the end of my sledding. I hobbled up the hill, very aware that I am not 9 years old anymore. Still, it was one heck of a day. I'd do it all over again, just get in a ride myself. And I will. After I heal. Winter has only just begun.
Of course, all that fun had to end sometime. Today, school was back on. Our driveway, however, is still an ice skating rink of death. My carpool friend almost slid into a tree when she came to pick up the kids this morning. Not good. I need carpool. So I spent the last hour being very adult and chipping off the driveway. I realize few will marvel at what I did, so I'm posting a picture here. Keep in mind, it doesn't look like much, but that is all ice, about an inch or two thick. Didn't I make nice clean tracks for the car's tires, not to mention footpaths for the kids. And got in some early morning aerobic exercise. What a deal.
If only I could regain control of the fine motor skills in my fingers.....
Shorty & Clem: Michael Slack
8 hours ago